Friday, August 3, 2007

Post-icating

The Police Service loves jargon. Especially if it's use can demonstrate a complete misunderstanding of the subject in hand. When it comes to SOCO's, there is probably one word that irks us more than any other... In place of "examine", we are regularly asked to "forensicate"...

This word does not exist.

It means nothing.

And yet officers seem compelled to use it at every available opportunity.

A few months ago, one PC went a step further and requested on the crime report that "SOCO fornicate the blood swabs retrieved from the scene." I was sorry to inform the PC that we were unable to process the request on Health & Safety grounds.

Recently I have heard of a great response to any future requests to forensicate...
"SOCO we need you to get down here and forensicate the scene, ASAP!"
"Yeah, sure, but first you'll need to do some Police-icating before we're able to do anything."
"Huh?"
"Indeed. Bye now!"

4 comments:

CSI:UK said...

There is a similar thing round our parts. When a Car has been recovered that has been involved a series or serious crimes it always requires a 'Full SOCO'

I always ask 'What do yo mean by a Full SOCO ?'

'You know, SOCO it err fully'

I'm thinking of inventing a car wash with 3 large Zephyr brushes.

Negative Result said...

Round here they say "lift it for full forensics", without knowing (nor caring) that "full forensics" will take about 2 days per car and involve things they've never dreamed of!

Perhaps your colleagues prefer well-fed Full SOCO's that won't be distracted by any food stuffs they might find whilst examining the vehicle?

Anonymous said...

Urban dictionary meaning of forensicate: 'To add a whimsical style and tone to a piece of literature being performed aloud for a group. Also, to perform a piece of literature in an enthused manner. Related to forensics (public speaking -- not the investigatory definition).'

Maybe you could turn up in Shakespearian style and talk as if from Hamlet!!

Anonymous said...

Just do your job and stop moaning! lol